


i do it often also...

by neabee



Series: genderings [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Drug Use, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Shotgunning, set while still on tour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 16:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8585968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neabee/pseuds/neabee
Summary: niall and louis talk about the band, gender, and life while not exactly sober.based on niall leaving the comment 'i do it often also... love ya tommo' on louis instagram post from 11/13/16





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dinosaur](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinosaur/gifts).



Sat next to Louis on a hotel balcony for the countless time, Niall shivered in the night air.

"Cold, Neil? It's like 20 degrees out." Louis asked.

"No, I'm fine." Niall replied then rubbing his bare arms knowing damn well his goosebumps where just from who Niall was sat next to.

Louis looked out at the infinite number of stars in the sky that night in some South American country thinking to himself. Niall would know the name of not only the country but the city too. He was beautiful to Louis like that. So careful and precise to everyone's view in everything he was and did, but Louis relished moments like these where it was just the two of them on just another hotel balcony, in just another city and country, smoking just another blunt and drinking just another beer.

"Do you ever wonder how we got here?" Louis asked the companion next to him.

"Only everyday of my life, Lou." Niall said. "Never thought I'd be here in a million years." he finished sipping his beer.

Louis puffed his blunt thoughtfully to this response.

"You ever feel like just a person? Or sometimes not even that? Like you're just here, experiencing life? I don't know maybe I'm just talking shit cause I'm high." Louis finished lamely.

"Y'know, Tommo there's more than two things to be in this world. You can choose to feel a certain way because it's the way you feel." Niall told Louis.

"Hmm...Just wouldn't really know what to call it." Louis said exhaling another cloud of smoke.

"Well, ya don't have to call it anything if you don't want to, babe. Lots of people don't." Niall said slinging an arm over Louis' shoulder taking another pull of beer.

"Yeah, I just sometimes don't know who I am, and I know no one really does. I think just being in the band makes it harder and Zayn used to really talk to me about shit like this. I just wake up wanting to crawl out of my own skin because it doesn't fit and I just want people to understand that, but I'm worried they won't." Louis continued.

"Look up at the moon, Lou." Niall said. "The moon is just the moon, the phases of it may change, but it's still always the moon. Some people may not understand it but those who do love it enough for the whole world."

"Alright now you're just talking shit, Neil." Louis said pinching Niall's side. "It makes sense somehow, but you're still talking shit."

Niall turned towards Louis looking at his eyes a different color than Niall's own. A different ocean somewhere in the world, but still water just like Niall. Louis moved closer while inhaling with lips around the joint, and brought Niall's lips close. Niall's mouth opened slightly in response already sensing where Louis was going and made contact with Louis' lips. Soft like sheets and clouds. Both pulled away and Niall offered Louis the last sip of beer in the bottle.

"Well, that's love, Neil. Offering me the rest of your beer." Louis teased tilting his head back then finishing the beer off.

"C'mon Tommo, it's late." Niall said, standing and feeling his knees pop.

Louis' hand reached up toward Niall a physical and metaphorical signal. Niall's fingers wrapped around Louis' wrist tightly in response pulling Louis to his feet.

Falling into the same bed too lazy to decide who wanted the other bed and wanting to be close together that night. Louis' phone vibrated with a text from Niall. The link in the message with two pink heart emojis and the words 'just in case' took Louis to a website with a summary of gender identities. Louis smiled and locked the phone, snuggling closer to Niall as acknowledgement and thanks for trying to understand.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!!! this is a very brief work on what i thought a conversation between niall and louis on gender might go. i was inspired by the lovely di (wepush/dinosaur) to write this and also attempt to write this with no pronouns. i did bust this out in about an hour though so sorry if it's a bit rough! thank you for reading!!! your own experience is valid, pls remember that. it's something i've personally been struggling with the last few months so i wanted to write about it.
> 
> 1d tumblr: muffinmanhoran.tumblr.com


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